Today I made the decision to split with my two British hiking buddies and go on alone. I’m still in the midst of the reality of the decision, having bid my two comrades goodbye who have left the town on Twizel ahead of me.
A few factors caused this rather immediate and drastic decision. Firstly I realised I wasn’t really looking forward to the final 500+kms of the trail and was starting to turn into a walking zombie, simply following Tom who was the prime navigator of our trio. I’d also stopped writing, making my own decisions and feeling challenged, which was a major part of why I decided to hike this trail in the first place.
I could have very easily and comfortably followed Tom and Will all the way to Bluff and completed the trail in a cruisy fashion, but I feel I have more to learn from this experience, and didn’t feel I was going to learn it while travelling inside this comfortable bubble.
I have a growing sense of excitement, but right now I also feel very sad. I haven’t laughed as much as I have in the last two months for a very long time and shared so many hilarious and intimate moments with two other human beings. Will comes out with the best one-liners that absolutely have me in stitches, sometimes over multiple days, and Tom is the most cool, calm, collected and kind young man I’ve met in a long time.
Tom writing his journal in Stone Hut by candlelight.
When I broke the news to them this morning the mood was somber, and I had to hold back tears when I hugged them goodbye just now in the Twizel Bakery. BUT, I know this needed to happen, and I’m ready to accept all repercussions. I’m going to face this trail head on with a new sense of vitality and determination, and make the most of the trail time I have left.
I so want to love and feel connected to this trail, so we’ll see how my solo reunion with it goes. No doubt it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but hopefully by the end I’ll remember why I began this journey, and understand why it was so important to push on alone towards the finish line.