The split

Today I made the decision to split with my two British hiking buddies and go on alone. I’m still in the midst of the reality of the decision, having bid my two comrades goodbye who have left the town on Twizel ahead of me.

A few factors caused this rather immediate and drastic decision. Firstly I realised I wasn’t really looking forward to the final 500+kms of the trail and was starting to turn into a walking zombie, simply following Tom who was the prime navigator of our trio. I’d also stopped writing, making my own decisions and feeling challenged, which was a major part of why I decided to hike this trail in the first place.

I could have very easily and comfortably followed Tom and Will all the way to Bluff and completed the trail in a cruisy fashion, but I feel I have more to learn from this experience, and didn’t feel I was going to learn it while travelling inside this comfortable bubble.

I have a growing sense of excitement, but right now I also feel very sad. I haven’t laughed as much as I have in the last two months for a very long time and shared so many hilarious and intimate moments with two other human beings. Will comes out with the best one-liners that absolutely have me in stitches, sometimes over multiple days, and Tom is the most cool, calm, collected and kind young man I’ve met in a long time.

Classic Will.

Tom writing his journal in Stone Hut by candlelight.

When I broke the news to them this morning the mood was somber, and I had to hold back tears when I hugged them goodbye just now in the Twizel Bakery. BUT, I know this needed to happen, and I’m ready to accept all repercussions. I’m going to face this trail head on with a new sense of vitality and determination, and make the most of the trail time I have left.

I so want to love and feel connected to this trail, so we’ll see how my solo reunion with it goes. No doubt it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but hopefully by the end I’ll remember why I began this journey, and understand why it was so important to push on alone towards the finish line.

10 thoughts on “The split”

  1. For all the reasons you’ve mentioned it is the right call and it should bring you closer to your original purpose and challenge. How fortunate you were to have the companionship and enjoyment with the boys and that will always remain a highlight of the total experience. Go safe, and watch the weather as the summer is well gone. Waiting expectantly for the next “Hi, it’s … on the … of …” and hearing how you’re adapting.

  2. All the best to you for the last 500! So delighted and proud of you that you decided to walk solo now. I have found just like you that comraderie is a joy to share and it is easy to sit back and let someone else drive the hike. But you will always look back with such exhilaration to the moments when you found your way, you tackled your deepest fears and found out exactly what you can do!

  3. sending you love and support!! remember that only after a couple weeks of hiking with someone you can stay friends for life 🙂

  4. Tough but My personal opinion you made the right call. I was waiting for your realization, and hoping it would come before the trip was done. You were having a great time, and as you said the time/miles was just floating by. As much as a great time sounds wonderful, It seemed you wanted much more self-realization and soul searching out of this trip than you were getting. Cry today, and yes you will miss your crew, but tomorrow you will still have the most important crew member to depend on. Giving you a mental hug…..Gromit

  5. I am sure you are thankful for these pod mates and the special chapter in your life they helped fill.

    Now it’s time for you again.
    Another Blank Page lies before you.
    Write YOUR story one word, one step, one memory at a time.

    Smile often
    From Oregon where
    Lyndella Sings

  6. Hi darling, I can see the reason for the split with Will and Tom and it has been a good decision . You will always remember those two boys, they have been such great companions. You need to travel solo to challenge and unravel your purpose of starting this trail. Go my little Tramper, be safe and enjoy the beautiful nature. Love you, Mutti xx

  7. As my Joel said to me once, “fuller, just do you.”
    You are doing you, my friend. Bless your heart.

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