It’s funny. I haven’t posted much of late because my day-to-day life doesn’t seem relevant for a blog titled ‘Serial Nomad.’ Yet, as I sit here once again contemplating where I want to live, what job I want to do, and what future path I should take, I realize that even though I’m not hiking the PCT or some other great trail, I’ve ultimately been nomadic, having moved houses eight times over the past two years.
I have always struggled with long-term commitments, whether it be jobs, relationships, or where I’m living. Two years seems to be my sweet spot. Anything under leaves me with a feeling of unfinished business, and the thought of anything beyond gives me the sense of a tight stranglehold around my jugular.
I guess my commitment phobia comes from wanting to stay open to all possible options. But in the process, some really great opportunities may have passed me by. My fear of commitment has steered me away from romantic relationships, children, real-estate, stable jobs, community, and likely many other important life things.
The flip side has been a lifestyle full of freedom, adventure, and little responsibility. But as I get older, this type of lifestyle becomes less fulfilling. I’ve been floating lately, lacking a definite purpose and direction, and I’m now craving stability and balance because I’ve had so little of both.
The fact I’m debating where to live and what to do for work (again) is so ‘normal’ to anyone who knows me it doesn’t seem like a big deal. But because I’m now forty, an age where every life decision seems magnified and more significant, the stakes appear much higher.
A friend and old teacher of mine just sent me an article about commitment which says most of us align the idea with obligation and restriction. That certainly rings true for me. But I loved reading about how necessary commitment is to our relationships, careers, where we live, and even our creativity.
I miss the absolute clarity and commitment I had when I chose to hike the PCT. Granted, my life was a bit of a shambles, and it was more a desperate decision than anything else. But I love how absolute I was about taking on that journey and how nothing was going to stand in my way.
I also miss how dedicated I was to writing my memoir about the trail. For five years, nothing was more important than sitting down, pouring my heart onto the page, and getting my story into the world. When the wheels came off that project, everything else began to unravel too.
My brain isn’t very good at recognizing the grey between black and white. I’ve always had a rather all-or-nothing mentality when it comes to decision-making. I think it’s because my brain is lazy, grey is complicated, and I’m far more used to living on both ends of the extreme.
Regarding my current situation, my brain tells me I have two options:
- Either embrace the nomadic lifestyle by storing my belongings and moving to Spain, Portugal, the Yukon, Japan, South America, or any other place on my list. OR…
- Move closer to my friends in Vancouver, find a steady job, build community, and reap the benefits of commitment and stability.
Perhaps there is a middle ground between the two. Or possibly moving back to the city and getting a stable job won’t feel as much of a life sentence as I fear.
Either way, I’m glad this predicament encouraged me to write again. Change is in the air, and perhaps it’s time to face my commitment demon head-on.
Serial Nomad 
Hey – such a great blog. I’ve been following it for years and I really appreciate your stories.
Those questions are the same I’ve been asking myself for years. And I can relate to pretty much all the other aspects you mention, too, including how the nomadic lifestyle becomes less of a satisfactory path forward the longer one has lived it.
I’ve recently decided to go with #2 on your decision tree – perhaps buy a house and just settle down somewhere, even if that somewhere might not be the “perfect” place. There is something very freeing and relaxing about finally making that decision. I understand how it might feel like choosing prison over freedom, but for me at least, I’ve come to realize that this is a thinking error. I’m really excited to finally settle down. Otherwise, I fear, I’m always going to be struggling with this decision, and it’s not the most fun place to be. I appreciate having made all the experiences I’ve made over the past few decades, but I’m ready to put them to good use now in a more stable context.
You’ll figure it out. There are no bad choices. But I would encourage you to not be afraid of any of those choices, either.
Oh I love your comment so much! It’s wild how much our priorities and desires change with age. Thank you for your validation and wisdom! It’s such a relief when you realise you’re not alone!! 😊
It’s so nice to know that one isn’t alone. I’m very grateful for your story because it reminds me of my life and struggles with these questions. It feels shockingly familiar! We should start a support group 🙂
LOL!! Absolutely!! 😅
I just want to say that I believe in you that I think you can achieve whatever you heart desires, you have integrity, wisdom, and a good heart. It’s perfectly normal to have doubts, but recognizing doubts and uncertainties is the process of gaining clarity when the time comes.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your life’s journey with this blog.
Thank you for these kind words, Fei. It means a lot. I’m so grateful for you taking the time to share your thoughts and feedback! 🙂
I’m looking at your picture. What my eye sees is a picture of a “demon” that is wondering how I did get here and why am I dressed up in this suit? From that perspective, I sense that it is more a reflection of your current state of life versus being a real demon. Perhaps change your outlook and embrace the “demon” rather than seeing it as a blocker. “Sometimes I wrestle with my demons – other times we just snuggle”. I don’t know if that makes any sense at the moment. But shifting your perspective may help you see things in a different light. Advice, always problematic and only comes from my own experience. Your mileage may (will always) vary! I’ve enjoyed your writing over the years. Plus we have the common connection of having walked the same ground or in my case taking care of the PCT. Back up there this weekend for a 3 day work party.
I love the idea of ‘snuggling’ with my demon! Yes! That’s a great way to shift perspective. Thank you! I hope you have an amazing work party on the trail!!! 🏕️
Next year? It would be great to have you on a work crew!
Yes, yes, yes please!!! 🙂
There’s no guilt, fear or shame as long as you own your words and actions. Our lives are very, very different from our ancestors so we struggle in ways they wouldn’t believe or understand. Most of what we most need focus on is inside our heads which is why the only solace I’ve found is meditation. I’m older than you but I’ve been wrestling, not waiting, to make a decision whether to start long trails, return to monastery, work for pay or continue traveling until I’m forced to fork. All your sentiments today give me encouragement, knowing I’m not alone. namaste
Aww thank you so much for reaching out! Great to hear from you! Mindfulness has been my salvation! I’m so comforted by our shared questions and quests! Sending you big smiles as we continue to navigate the complexities of modern-day life!! Namaste 🙂
Laughing. Let’s get a better connection then. Send me a note at jjensen554@msn.com. I’ll notify you when I have a project coming up. Yay!
Do you remember me ?
I will never forget you!
Ignace
From the Camino??? 🤔
Yes, we met just before Cadavedo, I believe. I am Belgian, blond hair blue eyes. I took a picture of you that you used for a long time on your blog or website.
Wow, great to hear from you, Ignace! It’s been a long time! I hope your Camino of life is taking you to extraordinary places! Thank you for reaching out. I absolutely remember that day we met! 🙂
Rozanne, I’m a long time follower, you were my gateway drug to the PCT, I’ll never do it, but have enjoyed days and days of videos and vicarious living from all sorts of PCT adventurers thanks to you. I will just say at age 60 having spent the last 20 years being “stable” and committed, wow I wish I had found more of that middle ground. I say choose #3, do both!
Hey Greg! Thanks so much for your message! I love your advice on the balanced approached. I think because I’m so much on the side of instability I’m having to consider a pretty massive shift the other way. I’m hoping once I’ve completed this recalibration I’ll have the capacity to find that middle ground! Thank you for sharing your experience!! 🙂
Tough decision, but you can make it.
Thank you, Donna! I cannot wait to see you!! 💕
It seems so easy to tell someone choice A or choice B is the best. But we all know how hard decisions can be. Specially the big ones. For this post….I would like to “but a vowel”….”Y”
Why now
Why what
Why where
Why who
This is all just part of your nomadic style. Settle in for a while someplace comfortable. Allow yourself a chance to just “be”. You are not leaving anything behind. Adventure is always just around the corner.
No matter what, you always have a place for a zero day!
More thoughts from me, after I ponder how you should live your life!
Aww Lyndella, thank you. Your words are like music to my ears. The way ‘settle in for a while’ and ‘allow yourself a chance to be’ resonated with me, I know this is the way I’m leaning. I always think the moment I settle down I’m going to get stuck forever. But if history is anything to go by, your prediction of adventure just around the corner always rings true. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I look forward to that zero day with you in the future! 😊
Yes, it is called “adulting”, whether you are 30 or 50. Not a bad thing. Commitment can bring you pleasure, and with the right partner(s)/friends it does not have to be limiting. What I really want is adventures, and I can still create those, even within commitments and relationships. I go off on my own solo adventures into the wilderness, and then there is something/someone/friends/dog to come home to.
Sounds like you’ve figured out a great balance! Thanks for the inspiration. Rationally I know it’s possible, I just need to make the plunge and test it out! 🙂
Hi Rozanne (and Donna!)–
I do think there’s a middle ground here, Rozanne. You should talk to Zenon. He’s been married to a French woman for many years. He’s lived in the same town for at least 20 years.
He’s now in Germany with one of his sons touring Bauhaus architecture. In May he spent 3 weeks in Japan with both his sons. And I’m hoping that he and I will be going to China in November.
As you know he’s an architect turned actor. He seems to have combined commitment with an adventurous spirit. Just a
thought.
Hey Dave, sorry I missed your note! Thank you so much for this example of Zenon. There is definitely a middle ground between stability and adventure and I’m sure the two can happily coexist. I look forward to discovering how that looks for me! Love to you and Joan!! 🩷
Your mom has put it beautifully. The last thing you’ll want later in life are regrets over roads you chose not to travel, for whatever reason.
Have a wonderful visit with Donna!
Dave
Thank you, Dave! I’m so looking forward to seeing her!! 🥰
Hi darling, Yes the big question in life is, which road to take. Knowing that you have walked on both of them, although longer on the nomadic road where there were different commitments, and you felt free. You have learned a lot on that road, the experiences, good and bad, excitements, laughter and most of all the friendships you have made. It has been a fantastic part in your life. Maybe you have to be brave and step onto that other road with more commitments and learn to have no fear for that. Even with some commitments you still have freedom and opportunities for the things you like to do. You will make some more friendships but in a different environment. So go for it and see if it works for you my butterfly.
Love you, Mutti xx
Aww Mutti, what a gorgeous note. Thank you! You understand me better than anyone and I appreciate that so much. Thank you for always allowing me to be a free spirit and live out my dreams! 💕