The New Year rolled in a few nights ago and despite spending a very relaxed night at home in front of my laptop, I was not inspired to write a ‘year that was’ or a ‘this is what 2016 has in store’ or a ‘reflection of the state of the world’ post or anything that happened to be floating around in my complicated head.
I’m happy to report that since that evening I’ve experienced the same non-desire. No inspiration to write or to say anything. I’ve been purely and utterly content with leaving the page blank. And you know what, it feels fucking great.
Instead of asking myself ‘why’, I’m just allowing it to be. I did enough thinking and soul searching in 2015 to fill this year’s quota too. I got lost in so many mazes of questions about who I should be and what I should be doing and what path my life is on and where my future should be heading. I let my thoughts lead me down winding roads that had no direction or destination, jumped into the thick of emotions and tried to rationalise my way out, bought into confusion, contemplated morals, and searched and hunted for meaning like it was a rare beast about to be extinct. And then I tried to explain it all in words to other human beings who were on their own spiralling roads with no direction or destination wondering where the hell they’re going and trying to catch that same elusive beast as me.
I asked so many questions I didn’t even allow for life to present me with the answers.
So today, when once again that niggling reminder of ‘my blog’ resurfaced, knocking on my door like an impatient editor looking at me expectantly with a questioning ‘well?’ poised on their lips, I felt like saying, “Look. I’ve got nothing that needs to be said, or shared or thought right now. I’m just fine, thank you very much.” And then in my self-derived scene of imagination I slam the door shut, dust off my hands and go back to drinking my warm cup of tea.
My New Year’s resolution for 2016 just kind of hit me in the face like a snowball of clarity. It wasn’t an answer, a voice, or the beast I’ve been hunting getting its own back. It was a feeling of calmness. A realisation that I don’t need to chase every question that pops into my head, shave and expose it to the world in the hope that everyone reading can dissect and understand it the same way as me.
I realised I’m actually happy where I am in life, with what’s happening around me and where I’m heading. I know 2016 is going to be an epic year, and I’m ready for what it has to throw at me both emotionally and physically. I guess my ‘realisation’ if you want to call it that, was that I’m simply happy to just let it happen without too many questions and analysis and metaphors and the requirement of tying it all together with a bow and then putting it on display for the world to see.
I think I just need to chill out and let things be and enjoy life and stop taking everything so seriously and stop asking so many fucking questions. Yes Pac Man, you heard me, I want to stop thinking for a while and let my brain go on a well-deserved holiday.
I was also somewhat surprised to discover that I felt happy to relinquish the gratification of having my voice heard, the feeling that I’m speaking words people may actually want to read. It’s certainly not the only reason I write thankfully, but let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that recognition doesn’t play a big part. I write to empty myself of emotion, and I could easily do that in a journal that I keep tucked beneath my bed. But I don’t. I leave that journal in the living room and on the kitchen table and at a bus station and in some stranger’s mailbox hoping that someone will sneak a peek. Or better still, I find that someone has written a message at the bottom telling me how much they loved my writing and how well they connected with my thoughts and ideas. Ridiculous right?
Well, welcome to the world of blogging!
Don’t panic though; I’m not exactly going anywhere. My ego is far too needy for that! Plus that niggling editor is likely to come back knocking at my door offering praise and acknowledgment when all those burning questions and thoughts storm my conscience like a squadron of militia and I simply have to release them by writing it all down.
But I thought it was neat all the same, that at the beginning of this New Year, all I really wanted to say was that I don’t feel the need to say anything at all.
Serial Nomad 
Good then. You might finally stop pestering me for intelligent responses. Lololol “Sometimes, you just gotta say ‘What the fuck.'”
Haha, your intelligent responses are always welcomed!! I’m sure I’ll be pestering you soon enough.
Works for me. But I still enjoy reading your posts. BTW, the trail maintenance software project is coming along. Should have a website view up in a couple of months or so.
Jack
That’s exciting news!! Be sure to share it with us, I’m so curious to see it!! Happy 2016!
The North350Blades are having our Winter Social next month in Seattle. Be great to have you there if can make it down. Sat Feb 6 2PM at St Andrews Bar and Grill.
Jack
Thanks Jack! I looked you guys up online!! What rock stars!! Now I know who to thank for the clear pathway I had through Washington. You guys are my heroes!! Won’t make any promises but if I can swing it I’d love to be there!
Hey Jack thanks again for the invite but unfortunately I won’t be able to swing this one. When I can come and go from Canada a little easier I’d love to come visit you guys!
Hey you! Would have loved to see you as well. Always welcome here!
Jack
Sounds interesting, do tell more
Happy 2016 Muk Muk! There is a song “Let it be.” Maybe that’s your motto for the new year. I personally like your ramblings and questions. They keep me thinking. Your restless spirit matches mine.
I know, that song has been in my head all day! 🙂 Happy 2016 Jan! To more jabberings and jaunts for both of us!
http://swedenreport.org/2015/06/02/goodbye-sweden/
Hallelujah… A true sign of wisdom. I always enjoy reading your blog, especially this one.. On a side note the Beatles lyrics came to mind
“Let It Be”
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Ah, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Oh, there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Thanks Nipper, it’s funny that in all my years of hearing that song I never really thought about the words ‘Let it be’ in the same way as I do now. Their music remains to be timeless and full of wisdom. Happy New Year!
So many of us spend energy, heart and soul SEARCHING for contintment. Always thinking it is somewhere close by, but still just around the corner or next adventure. Always looking for some meaningful thing or place that could qualify.
I am at my best when I accept that MY true contintment is there INSIDE ME all along !
Sure, we gain and grow from striving and working TOWARDS a goal. But I seem to appriciate the true beauty of life most sincerely when I sit quietly and accept what is…IS
Like a hard climb up a mountain….and then the joy of a spectacular sunset from the top. Sure, it was work to get up there. But then you can stop and smell the roses for a while.
We all love hearing your thoughts and ideas. And yes, it is great when people agree with and or validate your point. That can bring it’s own kind of encouragement and even contintment.
But in he mean time…
EMBRACE THE BLANK PAGE…LET IT BE….
With Alaska love,
Your pal Lyndella
What I should have also mentioned in this post was the thing I love most about putting my ideas out there is receiving the wisdom and insights from such a varied audience with such unique stories of their own. I find it fascinating to go back to my old blog sometimes just to read over some of the comments people wrote. It’s neat they can be captured and shared in this way, which is one of the more advantageous sides to blogging! Looking forward to more of your melodies in 2016!
Keep writing, if it pleases you. It pleases me.
My track record shows I always come back to blogging even when I say I’m going to take a break (which is not exactly what I’m planning to do, I just wanted my beloved followers to understand that any silence on my behalf was for good reason, not because I’m down and out hiding in the shadows).
Funny how we have to say something to connect with others. I wish we could just send good vibes. Oh no another song coming in… Beach Boys be quiet now! Happy New Year!
Ha! Thanks Linda! I know, I was hoping to use telepathy, but resigned to using more reliable and conventional methods of communication instead. Happy 2016!!
Hey, as I always say to myself, “Stop SHOULDING on yourself!!”…. glad you are at the place you are RIGHT NOW…..Hurrah! ….. Hurrah!
From your old friend, Barbie
Ah Barbie I was wondering if I’d hear from you! You far outranked anyone in comments last year. You’re in the lead by about 40 so you’re gonna be tough to beat this year!! Thanks for your ongoing encouragement and endless cheer! Happy New Year!! X
WHEN YOU COME ACROSS A BLANK PAGE
TAKE TIME TO “LET IT BE”.
FOR ONLY IN THAT MOMENT
DO WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO SEE,
THAT THE EMPTY SPACE IS ACTUALLY FULL
OF POSSIBILITIES
AND THE NOTHINGNESS IS NOTHING LESS
THAN YOUR OPEN HEART CAN SEE.
FOR THERE UPON THAT BLANK PAGE
THE STORY’S STILL UNTOLD.
THE PICTURES YET BEEN PAINTED.
THERE’S NO FORK THERE IN THE ROAD.
WILL STORM CLOUDS BREW ?
THE SUN PREVAIL ?
WILL THE HERO CHOOSE TO TELL HIS TALE ?
WHEN WILL THE WIND FIND YOUR SAIL ?
THE BLANK PAGE NEVER TELLS.
SEE, THE BLANK PAGE IS A ZERO DAY.
AT THE LEAST A VERY NERO DAY.
IT’S A “HAVE ANOTHER BEER ?” OK !
AND I’LL TALK TO YOU ANOTHER DAY !
SO WHEN THE BLANK PAGE IS ALL YOU SEE.
I HOPE IT’S EVERYTHING YOU DREAMED IT BE. CONTINMENT LIVES WHEN YOU BELIEVE
AND CHOOSE TO….LET IT BE
So, that’s my newest song….After reading your post yesterday,
Let it be, I found these word floating in the wind.
Sometimes I have to “work” on lyrics. Sometimes they just come..
Like FLOAT WALKING
💃
Wait till you hear the melody too….
🎶🎸
Till next time,
Lyndella
Lyndella, you’ve blown me out of the water!! How so much can be said about saying nothing at all. And your references to the trail take me back to that beautiful simplistic world, when all the answers were just hanging like the leaves in the trees, waiting to be plucked if they needed to be. I can’t wait to hear the melody! This one has to go on YouTube for everyone to hear!! Thank you most graciously, I’m about to go back and read over it again!! 🙂
Happy new year Rozanne Love………I wish for you all the best on 2016 and all ur wishes come true……..I hope u still recognize my face and hope to see u soon 😀
Thanks Mohammed, happy 2016!
Hello Rozanne! Best Wishes for 2016!! All the way from Holland 😉
Bedankt Huub!! Happy New Year to you and the rest of the family! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and celebrated bringing in 2016!! Much love and can’t wait to see you all again! Knuffels en kusjes x
Thank you for sharing 🙂 Always a pleasure to see other peoples complications (ha!), theres my ego getting a sense of community with the up and downs of OUR lives together!!
I liked the part where you talked about journalling, on how you could theoretically just write in a journal and attach no more label to it…Every writer who shares themselves has those moments of ego, they are not inexistent…Courage isn’t this enlightenment, that once you ‘have’ courage, you now ‘possess’ this ability to continually and always act fearlessly, constantly, and correctly. Courage is a test, a repeating test, and courage is only a title you get AFTER you have done the thing which requires courage…Sometimes ego is the same, we live lifes of variables and ups and downs, and inevitably ego comes and goes with those feelings of panic, and we are on a road of constantly cleansing ourselves, and regathering dirt! I tend to always read your stuff during my sleepless nights. Our problems, or maybe our questions are very different, but it brings a lot of solace knowing we are looking for answers together…We share earth, we share the inevitable metaphor of being human, and we share the search. Thanks for sharing your ego and your enlightenment 🙂
Wise words my friend, as I would expect from a literary expert like yourself!! We all search and we all struggle and sometimes we truly believe we are the only ones that do. It’s like when our minds take us on a journey to such dark and disturbing places we honestly believe no one has ever been to those depths before. Well they have, and further. We are all such unique creatures, with varying makeups of the same genetics, but they’re still the same genetics. As you said, we are all human and we all share this earth and we all have egos and are all on a search. Thank you for sharing and for having your own courage to journal to the world! Please share your blog link with us so other can benefit from your unique insights! 🙂
Your such an angel to reference my blog on here like this…I thank you for opening me to people outside of my own circle
Its http://www.enthusiadam.com
Be advised its a new blog!
Thanks again darling, always nice to see you and chat with you! 😀
Rose is this the Otter that helped you after I left the trail? Send some light his way. Take care
http://www.ruidosonews.com/story/news/local/2016/01/14/search-goes-statewide-missing-hiker/78795504/
Oh my goodness yes. Thank you for sending this to me. I’m praying he’s alright! For those reading please help by spreading his search page as far and wide as possible: https://thesearchforotter.wordpress.com/